Yesterday was the Delaware Marathon, which the Rocket Scientist and two of his friends ran. This was a small, small marathon (500 marathoners?) combined with a half marathon and a four person marathon relay. The course was around Wilmington, Delaware, and let me be the first to tell you there is NOTHING in Wilmington. I was alone in my spectating, so I figured I'd go find a Starbucks while I was waiting for them to do some out and backs. The closest Starbucks was nearly five miles away, and nothing was open at all around the downtown area! No coffee for this little spectator, which made me sad because I wanted to be on the side of the road with coffee in hand while people went running by. No such luck.
The weather ended up being alright, especially since I had been worried that it could be really hot in the middle of May...and I bet it would have been if I decided to run it! haha. It started to rain a little as the gun (actually, they used a cannon) went off, but that didn't last too long and the runners didn't seem to get all that wet. The course was two loops, which allowed me to see the three runners at mile 0 (woo!), 2, 12-ish, 17-ish, and the finish. Not too bad since I didn't walk too much around town. (It was kind of vacant and people who drove by yelled the "n word" at the police officers...not the greatest city to wander alone. Or I'm just paranoid.)
Everyone finished well. The Rocket Scientist ran 3:13, and his friends ran 3:08 (BQ) and 3:14 (BQ as well, but she had qualified last fall anyway). Yay!
What follows may seem dumb/self-centered/I'm not sure what the word is, but here we go anyway. I'm not sure what I was feeling after they ran those times. I had been so excited to run 3:33 and qualify for Boston two weeks ago, but I feel like such a slowpoke after yesterday. I will be the first to congratulate someone who BQs/breaks 4:00/sets a new PR/accomplishes whatever goal they had for themselves, but I still felt kind of...inadequate. I'm not sure how to explain it. Maybe because the RS kept telling me he was going to run 3:30 (even though he ran 3:23 last year) and that he didn't care about his time because we were going to run it together...which says to me that he'd be slowing down for me. I think he kept telling me a time that he thought I could be comfortable running. Which is fine (I guess?), but it just makes me feel bad because compared to most people, I am a good runner! And I know that. Could I run those times too? If I trained hard, I think I could. It's hard for me to listen to people who can do it easily because I know how hard people work to run that fast and how it's not easy for most people. People spend years trying to qualify for Boston (or accomplish whatever goal they have for themselves)!
Does this sound familiar to anyone, or am I just crazy? I can't tell if it's just jealously or if I'm weird. The combination of moving/having tons to do/starting my job is doing funny things to my head.
Time to go see if the state of Pennsylvania will let me become a resident.
In Case You Missed It…
14 years ago
I know exactly what you mean - I run with my summer roomie, Molly, and sometimes I get so frustrated that I'm slower than her. I think it's normal to feel a little bit of jealousy when one of your peers (or your man) is better than you at something, especially if it's something that you work hard for. Dave keeps talking about taking the GMAT (the b-school admissions test) and I'm terrified that he'll do better than me. What's awesome is that you recognize the feeling and aren't letting it affect the way you treat the peeps who you're jealous of. (And p.s., You're effing fast and I'm jealous of YOU.) :)
ReplyDeleteI feel that way too...I am a decent runner--not as fast as many, but faster than others...but I kind of felt the same way after my hubs finished the half yesterday 20 minutes faster than me! Even though it was a big accomplishment for me to run it and reach my goal, it also felt kinda inadequate to have been so much slower than him...and he wasn't even training for it! Guess that's part of what keeps us runinng? Wanting to see what more we can do? PS: I think you are amazing for running a 3:33!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a totally natural feeling! Not weird at all. I can definitely relate. I have a friend who probably runs half as much as I do...and her marathon PR is more than 20 minutes faster. Some people are just born with more slow-twitch fibers in their muscles, and that's that. All you can do is take what you've been given and work with it! And I would say you're doing a pretty darn good job. :)
ReplyDeleteI get really happy for people who can run super fast and for those who BQ easily! Of course I wish I could run like them, but in the end I run for me and I am happy with that. If I really trained hard could I produce better times? Sure. But, at this point in my life, do I want to? Not really, I rather spend the extra time with Matt and Morgan.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard not to compare yourself to others. All we can do it the best we can!
I think that being jealous is totally natural - like Wiggs said, just recognize it & don't let it affect you too much! And also, I am jealous of your speed, too! There are always going to be people slower than you AND faster than you, and if you like, you can compare yourself to me & feel super speedy! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the bday wishes! I think it's normal to be competitive...I am, even though I'm not nearly as fast as half the people in the blog world!
ReplyDeleteWell I just looked at their times and felt bad, so I understand. :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely familiar! Even though I am proud of what I can do, when someone can run faster, I wish I could run faster. But I just remind myself of how far I have come. I am proud of me. Be proud of you :)
ReplyDeleteI totally feel the same way too! But I am A LOT slower than those times!! Haha you just gotta be happy for what you can do and I think it's kinda neat to always have something more to strive for! Ps: You are super fast and I am totally jealous of you!! :)
ReplyDeleteI always feel inadequate compared to other runners (like you!). I think it's totally normal to compare yourself to other people.
ReplyDeleteYou're definitely one of MY running idols.
You're not crazy. Everyone has competition in them and there's nothing wrong with that. It exists on every level.. there will always be someone faster than you. But in my opinion, you are really, seriously fast. I'm jealous of you. :)
ReplyDeleteI've had the same feelings before. I think their normal. You can just be inspired and think to yourself that yes, you CAN run those times too!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you just wish it were easier for you. But it's not. And guess what, 4 miles in under 45 mins is not easy for me. But I work hard to try to do it and feel proud even though my 12 year old daughter passes me and my husband could be there and back in the same time. (but they're nice about it!)
ReplyDeleteIt is all relative and it is hard to try to find your place. It has taken a long time for me to be comfortable in my own skin, yet I'm still trying to figure this shit out!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter where you are in the pack, everyone has someone in front and behind too. You're doing awesome so don't worry about it.
Run on and you'll kick all their behinds sooner or later.
i think it's normal, but just something you gotta deal with. there will always be faster people and there will always be slower people, so the best person you can compare yourself to is yourself. run the same race two years in a row and see how you improve. you've got a lot of natural talent, believe me--there are a lot of people (myself included) who would love to have your speed!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment to my post yesterday. Everyone has been so sweet and supportive, I really appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping PA lets you in...we'd love to have you!
aww you should just feel insanely proud of yourself that you're running a marathon! just think about it...for fun..you're running a marathon, you know! nobody is making you...you're just doing it for yourself. THATS AWESOME. so just focus on that :)
ReplyDeleteDon't get down on yourself! Your an awesome runner with a great set of legs... Just remember that you did in fact BQ yourself!
ReplyDeleteHi Susan...I wanted to tell you that your feelings of inadequacy really hit home with me yesterday. Believe it or not, I felt the exact same way while writing my race report for the 10K I PR'd in on Sunday. Even though I PR'd and ran the best I could, I still felt completely inadequate because there were 5 other people in my own running club who ran a faster time than I and as a result I didn't get a score (only top 5 score). So I was somewhat bummed.
ReplyDeleteI guess the thing to realize is that we all have to learn not to let the accomplishments of others negate or deflate the achievements of our own. Both you and I are inherently good runners (you do believe that don't you) and it's ultimately up to us to determine what we think of ourselves. My favorite line from a movie that I don't remember is Don't Let Others Determine Your Worth!
So yeah, be inspired by other people's greatness and allow them to motivate you to be faster and better, but don't let them make you feel inadequate...we're all good and have come far in our own way.
Wow, this is a long comment, but so worth it. Thanks for sharing that story!
well I am jealous of you :) YOU are an amazing runner and I hope I can run a 3:33 one day!! its funny how running works... there is always someone faster than you and always someone slower than you. gives you something to shoot for I guess :) you should be very proud of your time and I know you will be getting some speedier times in your future!
ReplyDelete